Thursday, December 11, 2008

7298 - helpin otherz

To: the goat herd
Subject: 7298 - helpin otherz‏
Date: Thu 11 Dec 2008 17:53:45 -0600

well now, the familee n me has had us kwite the time now sinseen we dun receeved awl that thare muney back in maerch. after we delivert awl them muney mattressez two everbuddy in the holler we steel had sew many milleonz left over that we figgered we best bee starten us sum kind uv chaireetable fowndaeshun two handel awl uv the rekwests fer help - werd doez get 'round reel kwick like ya know. 


n wunce u git sum milleonz two yer name ya git two startin two rubb shoulderz wit awl kinda famos peepull n sech hoo awl want to hep owt wit yer chaireetable fowndaeshun anee wayz thet they ken. sew we awl sew started us a bowrd uv deeraktorz, spanserz and soupourterz. hour charterr chaireetable fowndaeshun membarz er:



Danyell Daye Leuwiss
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Day-Lewis



Pannee Marshawl
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penny_Marshall



thu Hewbart H Humfreez Fellership Progrum
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hubert_Humphrey

witch fosterz an exchange uv knowledge n mutual understendin thru owt thu werld

sew wit awl theez hare deeraktorz, spanserz and soupourterz, we ken shore nuff dew awl kinda hepfull thangs fer folks. it sure nuff does make a sole feels reel good when ya ken helps sumwon with their troubelz. here iz a eksample that wuz sent in by 


"princess 

charlemaine"

(amerikan kashmere  
goat) . . .

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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12:19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue Account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles 







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From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12:37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue Account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so I trust that this settles the matter.



aspider.jpg

Regards, David 






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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10:07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue Account

Dear David,
Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles 







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From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10:32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue Account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of the spider back then please.

Regards, David. 







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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11:42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue Account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles 







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From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11:56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue Account

Dear Jane,
Yes please.

Regards, David. 







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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12:14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue Account

Dear David,
Attached



aspider.jpg

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles 






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From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09:22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Who's spider is that?

Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.







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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11:03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Who's spider is that?

Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles







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From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11:05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thank you for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.







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From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11:08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Who's spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.



aspider2.jpg

Regards, David.






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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2:51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Who's spider is that?

Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles







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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3:17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Who's spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.








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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11:18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Who's spider is that?

Dear David,
Attached



aspider2.jpg

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles 






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From: "everbuddee jest kawlz me deuw"   wvdeuw@yahoo.com

Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 11:20:57 -0800 (PST)
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Overdue Account

deer lil ms gilles


you dunt knowz me nun bet my
 
grate 

grendsun 

skeeter-deen

iz a reel good freind of

"princess 

charlemaine" 

and she knowz sumbuddy hoo knowz sumbuddy hoo knowz uv this hear feller name uv 


daved 

thorne.

now skeeter wuz a telden me that pour ole daved iz a bit down on his luck rite now whut with not finden a biyer fer hiz fancy paintenz and getten lost in that their time travelen masheen cauzen hiz mined two lapse in rememberen thangs.

i have bin haven a reel good year this year and have dun come ento sum unexpected milleonz and the familee and me has determined that we iz goen two use that their muney fer chaireetable thangs two hep peeplz in need. i ken eezee a nuff afourd two pays the bill that daved owez two you.

pls except the encl check as paymunt in full fer the akownt of daved thorne. 



deuw check 7298.jpg

cencerelee deuw

by the by. even tho i teld daved that hiz bill two you wuz paid fer free and cleer, he dun gived me those two spider paintenz that you terned yer nose up two. ain't that jest sumtheng now. jest goes two show ya that ifn you does a good tern fer sumbuddy than they well dun tern rownd and due a good tern fer ya back.

i does reely like those spider paintenz and have dun hanged them in my kaben next two the christmus tree fer everbuddy two injoy. of kourse, ya mite not reckonize them rite awf cuz 

my 

dawter 

seuw-deen

iz mitee kraftee doen arts stuff and she dun put sum red and green tissue paper on them their paintenz, bilt sum wooden framen, and attecht sum hollie and berriez in each korner of the framez. she shore nuff doez sum fancee werk.


tree.jpg

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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

December 12, 2008 6:00:08 AM CST
princess charlemaine wrote:

I knew you would love this one . . .

Anonymous said...

December 12, 2008 10:31:33 AM CST
biker mama wrote:

OMG! You are hilarious! I love the check and how he writes his name...oh deuw...

scottE-deuw said...

December 12, 2008 11:38:00 PM CST
scotte-deuw wrote:

thank you for sending the original email. where did you find that??? thanks for the chuckle!!!

as soon as i read the "spider" msg i just knew that deuw would have to come up with a solution. he iz jest sew chaireetable that way ya know. and i really needed a good laugh today . . .

cencerelee scottE-deuw

Anonymous said...

December 12, 2008 12:58:49 AM CST
biker mama wrote:

Your tree is absolutely beautiful and the spider pictures are a nice touch…ha ha

scottE-deuw said...

December 12, 2008 2:31:33 AM CST
scotte-deuw wrote:

good mornin "princess charlemaine"

i dun have two say thenks two you fer opinen up a hole new diemenshun of "the 21st century global adventures of deuw" cuz now that deuw and the creuw has begunned that their chaireetable fowndaeshun, the stoweree haz takin on a very enteristen tern. with the unfourchewnut state of thu pressent ekonomee, their iz many peepulz who iz in dire need. and deuw and the familee is sew prowed and onerd two bee abel two hep. a very empourtent part of the chaireetable fowndaeshun is the publik werks progrem. those many rekwests fer helpin out with mewnicepal organezashuns fer the bettermint of the kommunitee has bekomed a priorety fer deuw. moor bout awl that next week . . .

cencerelee scottE-deuw