Tuesday, December 16, 2008

6713 - publik werks progrem

To: the goat herd
Subject: 6713 - publik werks progrem
Date: Tue 16 Dec 2008 17:38:44 -060 


jest wanted two cher wit y'all won uv the unekspected blessins that has comed frum starten that their chaireetable fowndaeshun. i has diskovered the profownd joy uv given. 

with the unfourchewnut state uv the pressent ekonoemee, their iz many peepulz hoo iz in dire need. and the familee and me is sew prowed and onnerd two bee abel two hep. 

n offerin to hep owt wit this hare chaireetable fowndaeshun iz sum varee spashell peepull hoo haz joined the grewp az bowrd uv deeraktorz, spanserz and soupourterz. hour neuwest chaireetable fowndaeshun membarz er:


Pawl Daved Heuwsun mostlee knowed as Bono
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bono


Dollee Partten
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_Parton 


Roneld Raegen Pressidenshel Fowndaeshun n Liebriary
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronald_Reagan
  



a very empourtent part uv the chaireetable fowndaeshun is the publik werks progrem. those many rekwests fer helpin out with mewnicepal organeezashuns fer the bettermint uv the kommunitee has bekomed a priorety fer us.

one
uv the rekwests fer help that we receeved a wile back terned out two bee sumthang that effected manee manee lifes and we awl iz sew prowd two have pairticeepated. this hear rekwest wuz sent in by


"pegee 

geen" 

(pigmee goat) . . .

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From: Billie Sue Pritchert
Date: Tuesday 9 Sept 2008 10:48am
To: Konstable Kalhown
Subject: Parlee Mae Krabappul

Dear Onnerabull Konstable Kalhown,

Duz ya knowz that there

Parlee Mae Krabappul
 

whu livez over there at Possum Krest. She has deevoted her life two edgeekaeshun n wuz thu skool teecher awl her lawng lifes til thu state rekwired her two bee teechin that there edvanct math 
two thu seveenth and aeth graderz sew theyz kould gradgiate. She wuz my teecher awl thru skool n dun tawt me everthang that I knowez. 


 That 
Parlee Mae 
she haz a 
hart uv Gold 
n I ain't tawken 
Fewlz Gold 
ether - she iz 
Pewr Gold, 
thu reel deel.



Now that Parlee Mae iz reetired she iz a thinken that her time wood bee well spent takin kare uv a liebriary sew that otherz kould cher in her book leernin. 
She haz nine books in her kolleckshun 


n a wiles back I staerted a book drive four her n have gained five mower books. 


I thinks that a befitten n proper bilden wood bee a reel nice sirprize fer her liebriary.

I reelize that wit thu unfourchewnut state of thu pressent ekonoemee, u problee gits moor rekwests fer hep then u ken handel bet iz there sum wayz that thu Graelee Kowntee Kammission ken hep wit thu bilden uv this hear liebriary? It wood jest meen thu werld two deer ole Parlee Mae.

Pleez let me knowz what ya thenks.
Sinserely, Billie Sue Pritchert

 

 







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From: Konstable Kalhown
Date: Monday 22 Sept 2008 4:27pm
To: Billie Sue Pritchert
Subject: Re: Parlee Mae Krabappul

Dear Ms Pritchert,

Thank You kindly four writting. Part of the pride that I feels in serving as the Konstable of Graelee Kowntee is crossing paths with good folks like you.

Unfourtunately with the sour downturn that the economy 

has taken, I do not have suffishient funds in the treasury at this time to be
able to afford any additional expandentures.

Your Faithfull Public Offishell,
Konstable Kalhown

 

 







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From: "everbuddee jest kawlz me deuw"   wvdeuw@yahoo.com
Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2008 17:28:14 -0800 (PST)
To: Parlee Mae Krabappul
Subject: liebriary

deer lil ms parlee mae

you dunt knowz me nun bet 


my 

grendsun 

steuw-deen

iz daten thi
 
sweet 

lil 

thang


hoo iz a reel good freind of 


"pegee 

geen"
 
and she knowz sumbuddy hoo knowz sumbuddy hoo knowz of this hear freind of yers name of


 billie 

sue 

pritchert.

i hopes that i ain't spoilen no sirprizes bet i am a gessin that billie sue has dun tawkt two you 'bout awl this hear by now. seemz that billie sue has staerted a noeshun two git a liebriary bilt sewz that you ken kontinue servin yer kommunitee as the publick liebriarean. i dew admirez yer servin hart.

i ken sends awl the boyz own over their two possum krest own saterday and we wood bee mite prowd two fix y'all up wit a propper liebriary. ifn you ken get awl the fellerz over their two pitch in than i figers we kould have awl the bilden dun in a day, two at the most. yer liebriary should bee way eezeer than a barn raisin.

i is looken fourwerd two meetin you. see ya own saterday.

cencerelee deuw










------------

From: Parlee Mae Krabappul
Date: Monday 6 Oct 2008 02:44pm 

To: "everbuddee jest kawlz me deuw"   wvdeuw@yahoo.com
Subject: Thenk You

Oh my deerest Deuw. Mare werdz ken nut explane my grateetood fer awl yer hep in bilden this hear liebriary and priveet reedin roomz. They iz my pride and joy. I loves spendin my dayz showen otherz awl the enterestin thangs of the werld thru literacheer.

I have encl a pitcher of the bildenz that you and yer boyz bilt cuz Billie Sue dun painted a deadikaeshun plack four the dower of the liebriary that sayz: thenks ta u deuw.


liebriary.jpg

I am fourever in yer dett. Trulee,
Parlee Mae Krabappul, Liebriarean








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From: "everbuddee jest kawlz me deuw"   wvdeuw@yahoo.com
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2008 09:17:43 -0800 (PST)
To: Parlee Mae Krabappul
Subject: anutter sirprize fer you

deer lil ms parlee mae

thenk ya kindly fer the invite the other day. i deed trulee injoy hour visit and the tee and krumpetts wuz a reel spashell treet.

i am sew prowed and onnerd two have gottin two knowd you and appresheate awl the good werks that you iz a doin. i knowz it wuz nut eezee four you two bee a tawken bout yer finanshell affarez bet i iz sew glade that you sheared wit me bout yer shortige uv fundz. pls except the encl check as supplamint two yer sewshell sekearitee and teecherz penshun. why we ken jest kawl this hear paymunt uv yer celleree fer won yeer four bein the publick liebriarean. i knowz it iz way moor than you tawkt two me bout needin bet i thinks that you ritelee deeserve it. maybee you ken evin go buys won of these hear new kompewten masheenz fer yer liebriary sew that everbuddy ken have axcess two the enternet.


deuw check 6713.jpg

cencerelee deuw 


by the by. i iz sew glade two hear that yer liebriary haz beecomed the sewshell senter uv the area. jest goez two show ya what a fine eksample yer civik mindednuss sets fer otherz two foller. i dunt knowz why i never had the fourthawt two make planz fer a book klub meetin rewm. the boyz and me well bee their nixt chance we gits and bild ya up a rite nice six holer fer the book klub. won't take no time at awl. now you make shore and tellz me bout anythang else that ya needs.

------------

copyright © 2008 - 940farms - all rights reserved


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

December 17, 2008 4:33:45 PM CST
princess charlemaine wrote:

“bild ya up a rite nice six holer fer the book klub”

YOU ARE TOO MUCH!

scottE-deuw said...

December 18, 2008 11:34:58 AM CST
scotte-deuw wrote:

ya liked that one eh? i did think about your writing group when i was putting that part of the story together about the book club.

again, thanks for opening up all kinds of new ideas. when you sent that spider mail, i only had two of the original deuw messages left to distribute. but something in the back of my mind kept bugging me about exploring some ideas of what deuw does with all those millions - i just never stopped long enough to really think it thru. after i rec'd your spider mail, i came up with all kinds of projects for deuw's charitable foundation to work on.

when i started building the library, my plans were for a simple log cabin type building (the mountain background is actually a pic that we took while in colorado a couple of years ago. hahaha!!!). at some point during construction, the idea for private reading rooms evolved. that's the funniest part of writing "the 21st century global adventures of deuw" - the humor is in the contrasts and contradictions (i learned that from the writers of the beverly hillbillies).

the librarian character's name started out to be pearl. then countrified: pearlie mae. when i thought about how that would be pronounced in deuw-speak, it came out parlee mae. ain't that just something now.

there were many parts of "6713 - publik werks progrem" where i just cracked myself up. the whole history of parlee mae's teaching career sent by billie sue. especially "That Parlee Mae she haz a hart uv Gold n I ain't tawken Fewlz Gold ether - she iz Pewr Gold, thu reel deel."

their 9 + 5 book collection

deuw writing to parlee mae: " . . . i figers we kould have awl the bilden dun in a day, two at the most. yer liebriary should bee way eezeer than a barn raisin."

parlee mae's interesting vocabulary and spelling of words considering she was the former school teacher. hay, that's wear they awl lernt two rite thu ways they due.

billie sue painting a "deadikaeshun plack four the dower of the liebriary that sayz: thenks ta u deuw."

parlee mae inviting deuw over for tea and crumpets. that's when she was telling deuw about the popularity of the library and reading rooms. and the book club needing a meeting room but she wanted that built behind the library and back down the hill a ways cuz that book club gets mighty rowdy.

long story short: i'm really enjoying this creative diversion from the everyday hum-drum.

more next week . . .

cencerelee scottE-deuw

Anonymous said...

December 18, 2008 1:38:57 PM CST
biker mama wrote:

Enjoy that creativity. I fer shor am. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

December 18, 2008 4:58:37 PM CST
biker mama wrote:

OMG – that do not call registry is hilarious! I was laughing out loud.