Thursday, August 28, 2008

10 - mountaintop experience

To: the goat herd
Subject: 10 - mountaintop experience
Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:26:10 -0500
------------

From: "everbuddee jest kawlz me deuw" wvdeuw@yahoo.com
Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:17:28 -0800 (PST)
To: "Jon W. Kertuss" jon.w.kertuss.2711@yahoo.fr
Subject: Re: ANSWERS TO BANK QUESTIONS

hae thare mr jon kertuss. thanks u kindlee four thet thare kind male. i shore duz appreshiate yer kuncern four me n mie familee. i iz dewin fine now. n the family iz awl dewin fine awl sew now. i ownlee gots bout six uv tham thare twentee four worken hourz put in sew far wit awl theze a gowenz own. bet i jest wonted two sand u a quick like lil update n than i well bee sanden tham thare answerz two tham thare kwestshunz own back two the bank.


man oh man i shore nuff deed git miesef intwo sum kind uv state uv mind lest fridae. i shore az blazes wuz fed up wit everbuddy. whin i took awf four the mowntenz i wuz steel jest a stompen mie wae threw the woodz awl mad like n sippen own mie jug sum n a grumblen two miesef. sef i sez i never in awl mie daze wood uv ever thawts thet awl tham fowlk thet i has growed up wit n spant mie hole life wit kood tern sew meen again me. i desided thet i wood jest go awl the wae up two the top uv bald eagle mownten n thenk awl thus hear threw n sip own mie jug sum. i deed shoot me two skwirrelz n a rabbet n thawts two miesef sef now thus hear well make a mightee fine supper n i deed git two feelen a lil batter. steel a bit grumblee bet batter n than i deed git two wunderen ifn awl thus hear anternashunal banken bizness four tham milleonz wuz werth the trubble n than i wuz a thenkin two miesef sef i sez u knowz thet nobuddee ever gits nothen four nothen. bie the timez i reecht the top uv bald eagle mownten it wuz a gitten sort uv dusk like sew i bilt me a nice roaren kampfire n sipt own mie jug sum n kookt tham thare two skwirrelz n thet thare rabbet n sipt own mie jug sum n head a rite joifull super n sipt own mie jug sum n jest deed git miesef intwo a rite piecefull state uv mind n sed two miesef sef i sez thet thare mr jon kertuss iz the ownlee pearsun hoo aint dun u no rong n sipt own mie jug sum n than the nixt thang i knowd it wuz mornen.

whin i opent mie iz the snow wuz a fallin awl genteel n kwiet like n i wuz jest sew at peace wit the hole werld n decited thet i wood jest traipse round the hole dae n enjoid awl uv mie alone time.


nixt mornen az i wuz a finishen up wit brakefast i herd a rustlen in the brush behint me sew i grabbed up mie rifle n twirlt round n hoo dew u supposed i deed sea bet a growlee ole bare nut evin ten feet awae.

i thawts two miesef whut in tarnation iz a bare a dewin awlreedee owt uv thare winter hibernaten den. he raist up own his hind hawnchez n wuz jest a standen thare a looken at me n i wuz jest a standen thare a looken at him n i sez two thet ole bare oooh no u dunt. u aint a haven me four yer first brakefast n he jest a low growlz at me sew i jest a low growlz beck at him n i sez two thet ole bare thet it appeerz u haz two options. ither u high tale it own over two the udder side uv thus hare mounten er i shoots u skware betwixt yer iz. witch wae well it bee. ifn u haz anee sense bout u than u well skedaddle bet it dunt matter nun two me. in mie mind i dared thet bare two make the first move n we jest wuz a standen thare a looken at each other. after whut seemt like eternitee thet bare tired uv thet thare stare down game n took a single step fourwerd n i deed shoot him right betwixt hiz iz n he crumpled down own the ground rite whare he wuz a standen. than i could finallee finish up mie brakefast in peace.

thet afternoon i herd a waze awf a sumbuddee a kawlen mie name. deuw deuw whare iz u. n i wuz surprized how grumblee thet made me rite awf. blew blazes grumblee. whie the sand hill caint peoplez jest leave me well nuff alone. again thea kawlz deuw deuw r u awl rite. i reelized thet thea wood uv awlreedee seent the smoke frum mie kampfire bet i jest sat down low n made tham haz two find me. again thea kawls deuw deuw its yer ole friend klem. sew i finallee hollert beck thet i dunt haz no friend bie the name uv klem. n he sez oh come own now deuw kut it out. it iz me. yer friend klem kudedal-howper. n i sez thet u iz a trespassen n i dun haz a beed drawed own u. now git owt. n he sez thet he aint a leevin wit owt me n i sez thet i aint a leevin wit him. i sez two klem thet he wuz the werst uv awl tham jokerz the other nite at checkerz n he wuz two. n he sez thet he iz sorree n i hollerz jest two leeve me two mie peece
 n he sez ok 
bet how bout a lil snort ferst 
n i tellz him thet 
mie jug iz emptee 
n he sez thet 
he brawt hiz jug 
sew i gaved intwo thet temptation 
n teld klem 
two come 
own up.

 whin klem made it intwo the clearen n he seen me a standen thare wit mie rifle he raized his hands n sed dunt shoot. whie i jest could nut hep miesef two nut jest a bust out a laughen whin he sed thet. thet klem iz sech a joker a awl waez a clownen round. he iz sech a funnee karakter. good ole klem. awl waez good four a laugh. than we both sippt own his jug sum n he sez deuw everbuddee iz sew werried bout u acten like sum crazee ole fool sitten up hare own the mounten freezen yer bells awf. n i sez two klem thet i am a ole man now n i dunt need mie bells aneemore n we jest took two laughen sew hard thet we wuz a fallen over.

than klem notised thet thare bare n he sed deuw u iz a bigger fool than aneebuddee wood have ever figert. whut whare u a thinken scrappen wit a bare at thus time uv the winter seesun. n i sed two klem thet thare werent no scrappen bout it. n klem sez u knowz thet bares iz mightee powerful hungree whin thae wakes up frum thare winter hibernaten den n u could uv got yersef killed n bin thet thare bares brakefast. n i teld klem thet hole storee bout the bare n i sez a hare i am a standen n thare thet ole bare iz a krumpled own the ground. no harm dun two me. n klem askt r u goen two eat thet bare n i sez now hoo iz bean the bigger fool. u caint eat no bare in the winter seesun cuz thae iz awl skrawnee frum sleepin awl winter. everbuddee knowz thet u ownlee eat autumn bares. bet now at the end uv winter seesun thare fur is awl thick n soft n luxjurious like sew hep me skin him n we well take the hide n tack it own the barn two tan n it well make a fine winter robe four granee.

whilest we wuz a worken klem wuz a tellen me bouts everbuddee wuz sew sorree bout the tern uv evants n everbuddee n thare dawgs wuz a waiten four me down at the kabin n klem wuz two fetch me down awf the mounten n than we awl wood have a big ole sellebration. everbuddee head brawt thare jugs n granee n seuw-deen wuz a cooken up a storm maken awl kinds uv vittles n everbuddee wuz a playen horse shoes n fiddlez n checkerz n banjoes n kards n harmonikas. i sez two klem whut everbuddee brang thare dawgs four.


n klem eksplained thet at ferst everbuddee wuz goen two come git me off the mounten n klem kunvinced them bout me never liken no krowd n everbuddee wood jest make me feel awl klosed in n thet klem wood have better luck own his own. than everbuddee thawt thet i mite kidnap klem kunsideren the state uv mind thet i wuz in n ifn klem didnt return bie sundown than everbuddee wood come searchen wit the dawgs. n i teld klem thet i guess thet i am the one four sorryen now four troublen everbuddee sew. n klem jest sed u jest never mind thet now n lets jest go have us a sellebration.

whin klem n me dun got down two the holler n walkt owt uv the woods everbuddee jest stopped whut thae wuz a doing n starred at me n then thae awl jest a started cheeren n holleren deuw deuw deuw deuw deuw deuw deuw.

n i jest sez awe shucks.


n owt uv the krowd came a walken constable kalhown. man oh man i shore deed nut ekspect no official like sumbuddee two bee thare. n constable kalhown waves hiz hands round four everbuddee two kwiet down n he walks up two me awl a smilen n such n sez thet he head sumthen special thet he wanted two give two me. he head thus hare fancee medal own a velvit ribben thet he hanged round my neck n he sed deuw dew u knowz whut thus medal haz rote own it n i looks at thet werd thus a wae n i looks at thet werd thet a wae n than i jest sed vip.
n constable kalhown sort uv chuckles like n sez thet aint no word own thet thare medal. tham iz initials thet stand four sumthen. thare iz a v n a i n a p. n he asks me ifn i knowz whut tham initials stand four. n i didnt want two appear stupid or nothen sew i jest thawts four sum secunds n than i jest sed vip. n he sort uv chuckles again n sez tham initials stand four veree importent persun. n than everbuddee jest a started cheeren n holleren vip vip vip.

n i jest sez awe shucks. everbuddee jest kawl me deuw.


n than constable kalhown waves hiz hands round four everbuddee two kwiet down n he takes two speech maken n he jest keps own n own n own bet thet iz jest hiz wae cuz he likes two heer hissef tawk. n he sez thet i needed a title two go alawng wit mie vip medal n thet everbuddee in the holler head voted own mie title n decited thet mie title shood bee lord uv the holler. n than everbuddee jest a started cheeren n holleren lord uv the holler lord uv the holler lord uv the holler.

n i jest sez awe shucks. everbuddee jest kawl me deuw.


n than constable kalhown waves hiz hands round four everbuddee two kwiet down n than i sez thet thare iz ownlee one lord uv thus hole werld n it jest wood nut bee befitten four me two think uv miesef own the same level az thet one lord. sew constable kalhown teld me two jest think bout whut kind uv title i thinks wood bee befitten. than i tellz everbuddee thet wile i wuz up own the top uv bald eagle mounten in the peaceful snow thet i got two thinken bout thet thare cuzin uv mine name uv hanz dee mewl celler hoo wuz a liven awl the wae over thare akross the big owshin in thet thare suchamacallit place kawlt germainee. n me i aint never evin bin owt uv thus hare holler mie hole entire life. sew i got two thinken bout it mite bee rite good two sumdae git a big ole ship n ride round own thet big owshin n maebee evin goez two thet germainee place n sea ifn we awl haz anee mower cuzins over thare.

n thet got me two thinken bout thus stoweree thet i herd wunce whin i wuz a lil child bout sum kapten own a big ole ship a chasen sum whatchamacall a white mobee whale.

n mie grate gransun skeeter-deen sez paps i knowz thet stoweree n he kommenct reciten thet hole whale uv a stoweree n whin he wuz finisht everbuddee wuz jest silent n looken at eech udder n a whisperen n than everbuddee jest a started cheeren n holleren 
kapten deuw-hab kapten deuw-hab kapten deuw-hab.

n i jest sez awe shucks. everbuddee jest kawl me deuw.

n than constable kalhown waves hiz hands round four everbuddee two kwiet down sew he ken sae own wit the sellebration. n we kommenct two sellebraten n sippen own jugs n eaten good vittles n sippen own jugs n a playen musick n sippen own jugs n a playen gamez n sippen own jugs n jest haven a grand ole time four four daze uv sellebration.
 

whie it wuz a grander time than the fourth uv julie n the graelee kountee fare n muskrat dae awl rolled intwo won. n the hole time everbuddee kept a kawlen me kapten.

sew thet iz awl the a goings own whie it haz taken me sew lawng two git thus hare male sent awf two u. well now. i well bee sandin tham thare fancee answerz thet u rote rite own awf two thet thare bank in west afreeka.

cencerelee deuw


copyright © 2008 - 940farms - all rights reserved


18 comments:

Anonymous said...

August 29, 2008 9:30:11 AM CDT
biker mama wrote:

OMG! Deuw is hilarious –

“ why it was a grander time then the fourth of july and the graelee county fair and muskrat day awl rolled into won”

deuw was on quite the roll! Ha ha

scottE-deuw said...

August 29, 2008 11:46:38 AM CDT
scotte-deuw wrote:

heya sweetie!!! i iz sew glaed thet u iz injoyen thus hear krazienuss!!!

the funniest part of this whole project is that i actually sent all of deuw's gibberish to the spammer. haw haw haw!!! bbbaaaaa, bbbllleeeaaattt, bbbaaahahaha . . .

each time that i would get a reply back from the spammer, i figured that it would be the last one so the story progressively got crazier and crazier. and i was constantly surprised when another reply showed up in my inbox.

the "mountaintop experience" is my absolute most favoritest of the deuw stories - i laughed sooo much during the writing of this chapter. there is just sooo much that happens. from the very beginning ( . . . i jest wanted two send you a quick like lil update . . . ) deuw was on quite the roll. his grumblen 'bout " . . . awl them folk . . . could tern sew mean against me . . . " and shooting the squirrels and rabbit for " . . . a mighty fine supper . . . " and " . . . thinken two myself self i says you know that nobuddy ever gits nothen four nothen . . . and said two myself self i says that their mr jon kertuss is the only person who ain't dun you no wrong . . . " and " . . . the snow was a fallen awl gentle and quiet like . . . " and low growlen at the bear and quickly going from " . . . i don't have no friend by the name of klem . . . " to " . . . i gave into that temptation and told klem two come on up . . . " to " . . . i don't need my bells anymore and we jest took two laughen sew hard that we was a fallen over . . . " and making " . . . a fine winter robe four granee . . . " out of that " . . . thick and soft and luxjurious like . . . " bear hide and best of all: the big ole sellebration.

i'm not eggzactly sure which deeply hidden recess of my mind " . . . came a walken constable kalhown . . . " but wow!!! " . . . man oh man i sure deed nut ekspect no official like sumbuddy two bee their . . . " hahaha!!! i guess that's where all of this writing comes from: that "holler" place in my head.

coming soon to a theatre near you: 12 - on the brink. remember the peaceful snowfall, the low growl, and " . . . that whole whale of a story . . . " keeping in mind that on ash wednesday i had given up reality for the 40 days of lent - that probably was the greatest benefit to the writing of the 21st century global adventures of deuw. even tho deuw had taken over as the dominant personality during those 40 days, i was ever vigilant and cautious because " . . . i didn't want two appear stupid or nothen . . . "

oxoxo captain scottE-deuw-hab
awe shucks. everbuddy jest call me deuw

Anonymous said...

August 29, 2008 11:52:58 AM CDT
biker mama wrote:

okay - i forgot about your "giving up reality" for lent - that in itself is a good ole hoot!

i'm sure you were laughing! i was laughing when i read it. you are actually responding to this spam email and you get answers back? Is this reality? or are you just jokin' with me? seriously? i thought that was part of the fiction...

scottE-deuw said...

August 29, 2008 12:04:50 PM CDT
scotte-deuw wrote:

seriously!!! the reality part of this story was the responses FROM the spammer. no joke!!! the fiction part of this story was the deuw character that i created to send the replies TO the spammer. haw haw haw!!! who would have ever guessed this all could have turned into sooo much fun???

Anonymous said...

August 29, 2008 2:54:34 PM CDT
biker mama wrote:

OMG! I can't believe they answer back....that is too too funny. Keep it up - it's funny they sent one that wondered where deuw drop was...

scottE-deuw said...

here is the original reply that deuw sent to mr jon kertuss written in deuw-speek:

Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:17:28 -0800 (PST)
From: erbudee jist kawl mee deuw wvdeuw@yahoo.com
To: Jon W. Kertuss jon.w.kertuss.2711@yahoo.fr
Subject: Re: ANSWERS TO BANK QUESTIONS

hae thaer mr jon kertuss. thenk u kiendlee fer thet thaer kiend mael. i shuer duz apreshiet uwr kuncearn fer mee n mi famelee. i iz dewen fien noew. n thu famelee iz awl dewen fien awlsew noew. i owenlee git bowt sex uv thaem thaer twenee fower werken owrs puwet en sew fer wit awl theez agowenz owen. bet i jist wunted tu sand u a kwikliek lil epdaet n thaen i wael bea sanden thaem thaer ansewrz tu thaem thaer kwestshunz owen beck tu thu benk.

maen owh maen i shuer nuff deed git misef entu sum kienda staet uv miend lest friedae. i shuer ez blazis wuz faed ep wit erbudee. whin i towk awf fer thu mowntenz i wuz steel jist a stumpen mi wae threuw thu wuwdz awl maed liek n sipen owen mi jug sum n a grumblen tu misef. sef i sez i nevr en awl mi daez wuwd uv evr thawts thet awl thaem fowlk thet i haev grouwd ep wit n speant mi hoewl lief wit kuwd tern sew meen agin mee. i decited thet i wuwd jist goew awl thu wae ep tu thu toep uv bawld eegel mownten n thenk awl theis heer threuw n sip owen mi jug sum. i deed shoowt mee tu skwurelz n a rebit n thawts tu misef sef noew theis heer wael maek a miehtee fien sowpur n i deed git tu fealen a lil beter. steel a bet grumblee bet beter n thaen i deed git tu wunderen ifn awl theis heer enternashunel benkin biznes fer thaem milleunz wuz werth thu trubel n thaen i wuz a thenken tu misef sef i sez u knoew thet noebudee evr gits nuten fer nuten. bi thu tiem i reecht thu toep uv bawld eegel mownten et wuz a giten cert uv duskliek sew i bilt mee a niec rowren kempfier n sipt owen mi jug sum n kowkt thaem thaer tu skwurelz n thet thaer rebit n sipt owen mi jug sum n haed a riet joifel sowpur n sipt owen mi jug sum n jist deed git misef entu a riet peecfil staet uv miend n sed tu misef sef i sez thet thaer mr jon kertuss iz thu owenlee persun whu aint dun u noe wrawng n sipt owen mi jug sum n thaen thu nixt theng i kneuw et wuz moernin.

whin i opined mi iz thu snoew wuz a fawlen awl jenteel n kwiet liek n i wuz jist sew et peec wit thu hoewl werld n decited thet i wuwd jist traipes rowund thu hoewl dae n injoi awl uv mi aloen tiem.

nixt moernin ez i wuz a fenushen ep wit braekfust i hurd a rustlen en thu bruwich beahient mee sew i grebed ep mi rifel n twerlt rowund n whu dew u supoezt i deed cee bet a grouwlee ole bawr nut evn taen feat awae. i thawts tu misef whut en tawrnashun iz a bawr a dewen awlredee owt uv thaer wenter hiburnaten dan. hee raezed ep owen hez hiend hawnches n wuz jist a stenden thaer a lewken et mi n i wuz jist a stenden thaer a lewken et hem n i sez tu thet ole bawr ooowh noe u dowent. u aint a haevin mi fer ur ferst braekfust n hee jist a loew grouwlz et mi sew i jist a loew grouwlz beck et hem n i sed tu thet ole bawr thet et apairz u haev tu opshunz. ither u hiegh tael et owen ovr tu thu uder sied uv theis heer mownten owr i shoowt u skwaer twixt uwr iz. whitch wae wael et bea. ifn u haev enee cenc bowt u thaen u wael skeedadel bet et dowent mater nun tu mee. en mi miend i daerd thet bawr tu maek thu ferst moev n wee jist wuz a stenden thaer a lewken et eech uder. efter whut seamd liek eternatee thet bawr tierd uv thet thaer staer dowen gaem n towk a singel staep ferwerd n i deed shoowt hem riet twixt hez iz n hee krumpled dowen owen thu growend riet whaer hee wuz a stenden. thaen i kuwd fienlee fenush ep mi braekfust en peec.

(continued on next comment . . .)

scottE-deuw said...

thet efternewen i hurd a wae awf a sumbudee a kawlen mi naem. deuw deuw whaer iz u. n i wuz serprized houwe grumblee thet maed mee riet awf. bleuw blazis grumblee. whi thu send heel caint peepuwlz jist leev mee wael nuff aloen. agen thae kawlz deuw deuw r u awlriet. i reelized thet thae wuwd uv awlredee ceen thu smoewk frum mi kempfier bet i jist saet dowen loew n maed thaem hafta fiend mee. agen thae kawlz deuw deuw ets uwr ole freind klem. sew i fienlee hawlerd beck thet i dowent haev noe freind bi thu naem uv klem. n hee sez owh coem owen noew deuw kut et owt. et iz mee. uwr freind klem kudedal-howper. n i sez thet u iz a trespesen n i dun haev a beed drawd owen u. noew git owt. n hee sez thet hee aint a leeven wit owt mee n i sez thet i aint a leeven wit hem. i sez tu klem thet hee wuz thu werst uv awl thaem joekerz thu uder niet et chekerz n hee wuz tu. n hee sez thet hee iz sowree n i hawlerz jist tu leev mee tu mi peec n hee sez ok bet houwe bowt a lil snoewrt ferst n i telz hem thet mi jug iz emptee n hee sez thet hee brawt hez jug sew i geivd entu thet temtashun n teld klem tu coem owen ep.

whin klem maed et entu thu kleering n hee ceen mee a stenden thaer wit mi rifel hee raezed hez haends n sed dowent shoowt. whi i jist kuwd nut hep misef tu nut jist a buwest owt a lawfen whin hee sed thet. thet klem iz sech a joeker a awl waez a klowenin rowund. hee iz sech a funee karektuer. guwd ole klem. awl waez guwd fer a lawf. thaen wee boweth sipt owen hez jug sum n hee sez deuw erbudee iz sew wureed bowt u akten liek sum krazee ole fewel saiten ep heer owen thu mownten fraezen uwr belz awf. n i sez tu klem thet i em a ole maen noew n i dowent nead mi belz eneemoer n wee jist towk tu lawfen sew haerd thet wee wuz a fawlen ovr.

thaen klem noetest thet thaer bawr n hee sed deuw u iz a bieger fewel thaen eneebudee wuwd haev evr figered. whut whaer u athenken skraplen wit a bawr et theis tiem uv thu wenter ceesun. n i sed tu klem thet thaer wunt noe skraplen bowt et. n klem sez u knoew thet bawrz iz mietee perafel hungree whin thae waeks ep frum thaer wenter hiburnaten dan n u kuwd uv git uwrsef keeld n bin thet thaer bawrz braekfust. n i teld klem thet hoel stowree bowt thu bawr n i sez a heer i em a stenden n thaer thet ole bawr iz a krumpled owen thu growend. noe herm dun tu mee. n klem eskt r u gowen tu et thet bawr n i sez noew whu iz beaen thu bieger fewel. u caint et noe bawr en thu wenter ceesun cuz thae iz awl skrawnee frum slepen awl wenter. erbudee knoewz thet u owenlee et auwtum bawrz. bet noew et thu eand uv wenter ceesun thaer fir iz awl theck n sawft n luxjereus liek sew hep mee skein hem n wee wael taek thu hied n taeck et owen thu bawrn tu taen n et wael maek a fien wenter roeb fer granee.

wiel wee wuz a werken klem wuz atelden mee bowts erbudee wuz sew sowree bowt thu tern uv eevants n erbudee n thaer dawgz wuz awaetin fer mee dowen et thu kaben n klem wuz tu fetch mee dowen awf thu mownten n thaen wee awl wuwd haev a bieg ole sellebrashun. erbudee haed brawt thaer jugz n granee n seuw-deen wuz a kowken ep a sterm maeken awl kiends uv vitelz n erbudee wuz a plaein howrse shoowz n fidelz n chekerz n benjoewz n kardz n harmunikeez. i sez tu klem whut erbudee brang thaer dawgs fer. n klem eksplaned thet et ferst erbudee wuz gowen tu coem git mee awf thu mownten n klem kunvenct thaem bowt mee nevr lieken noe krouwd n erbudee wuwd jist maek mee feal awl kloewzed en n thet klem wuwd haev beter luwk owen hez owen. thaen erbudee thawt thet i miet kednip klem kuncidern thu staet uv miend thet i wuz en n ifn klem dint reetern bi sundowen thaen erbudee wuwd coem cerchen wit thu dawgs. n i teld klem thet i gess thet i em thu wun fer sowreein noew fer trublen erbudee sew. n klem jist sed u jist nevr miend thet noew n laets jist goew haev es a sellebrashun.

(still continued on next comment . . .)

scottE-deuw said...

whin klem n mee dun git dowen tu thu hawler n wawlked owt uv thu wuwdz erbudee jist stoept whut thae wuz a dewen n staerd et mee n thaen thae awl jist a staerted chearen n hawlerin deuw deuw deuw deuw deuw deuw deuw.

n i jist sez aw shucks.

n owt uv thu krouwd caem a wawlken kunstubel kalhown. maen owh maen i shuer deed nut ekspekt noe awfishel liek sumbudee tu bea thaer. n kunstubel kalhown waevs hez haends rowund fer erbudee tu kwiet dowen n hee wawlks ep tu mee awl a smielin n sech n sez thet hee haed sumtheng speshel thet hee wunted tu geiv tu mee. hee haed theis heer fansee metael owen a velvit riben thet hee hanged rowund mi nek n hee sed deuw dew u knoew whut theis metael hez rowet owen et n i lewks et thet werd theis a wae n i lewks et thet werd thet a wae n thaen i jist sed vip. n kunstubel kalhown cert uv chuklz liek n sez thet aint noe werd owen thet thaer metael. thaem iz enishels thet stend fer sumtheng. thaer iz a v n a i n a p. n hee esks mee ifn i knoewz whut thaem enishels stend fer. n i dint wunt tu apair stewpud owr nuten sew i jist thawts fer sum sekendz n thaen i jist sed vip. n hee cert uv chuklz agen n sez thaem enishels stend fer varee impertent persun. n thaen erbudee jist a staerted chearen n hawlerin vip vip vip.

n i jist sez aw shucks. erbudee jist kawl mee deuw.

n thaen kunstubel kalhown waevs hez haends rowund fer erbudee tu kwiet dowen n hee taeks tu speach maeken n hee jist keps owen n owen n owen bet thet iz jist hez wae cuz hee lieks tu heer hezsef tawk. n hee sez thet i neaded a tietel tu goew alawng wit mi vip metael n thet erbudee en thu hawler haed voetd owen mi tietel n decited thet mi tietel shuwd bea lawrd uv thu hawler. n thaen erbudee jist a staerted chearen n hawlerin lawrd uv thu hawler lawrd uv thu hawler lawrd uv thu hawler.

n i jist sez aw shucks. erbudee jist kawl mee deuw.

(deuw jest kaint hep hissef. he iz a gowen own n own own . . .)

scottE-deuw said...

n thaen kunstubel kalhown waevs hez haends rowund fer erbudee tu kwiet dowen n thaen i sez thet thaer iz owenlee wun lawrd uv theis hoel werld n et jist wuwd nut bea buffiten fer mee tu thenk uv misef owen thu saem levil ez thet wun lawrd. sew kunstubel kalhown telz mee tu jist thenk bowt whut kiend uv tietel i thenks wuwd be buffiten. thaen i telz erbudee thet wiel i wuz ep owen thu toep uv bawld eegel mownten en thu peecfil snoew thet i git tu thenken bowt thet thaer cuzin uv mien naem uv hanz dee mewl celler whu wuz a leiven awl thu wae ovr thaer akros thu bieg oshin en thet thaer sechamakawlit plaec kawld jurmaenee. n mee i aint nevr evn bin owt uv theis heer hawler mi hoel intier lief. sew i git tu thenken bowt et miet bea riet guwd tu sumdae git a bieg ole sheip n ried rowund owen thet bieg oshin n maebee evn goew tu thet jurmaenee plaec n cee ifn wee awl hez enee moer cuzinz ovr thaer. n thet git mee tu thenken bowt theis stowree thet i hurd wunce whin i wuz a lil chield bowt sum kepten owen a bieg ole sheip a chaesin sum whutchamakawl a whiet mowbee whael. n mi graet grensun skeeter-deen sez paps i knoew thet stowree n hee komaenst recieten thet hoel whael uv a stowree n whin hee wuz fenusht erbudee wuz jist cilent n lewken et eech uder n a wisperen n thaen erbudee jist staerted chearen n hawlerin kepten deuw-hab kepten deuw-hab kepten deuw-hab.

n i jist sez aw shucks. erbudee jist kawl mee deuw.

n thaen kunstubel kalhown waevs hez haends rowund fer erbudee tu kwiet dowen sew hee ken sae owen wit thu sellebrashun. n wee komaenst tu sellebraeten n sipen owen jugz n eten guwd vitelz n sipen owen jugz n a plaein musak n sipen owen jugz n a plaein gaemz n sipen owen jugz n jist haevin a grend ole tiem fer fower daez uv sellebrashun. whi et wuz a grender tiem thaen thu fowerth uv juwlii n thu graelee kowntee faer n muskret dae awl rowld entu wun. n thu hoel tiem erbudee kepta kawlen mee kepten.

sew thet iz awl thu agowenz owen whi et hez taeken mee sew lawng tu git theis heer mael cent awf tu u. wael noew. i wael bea sanden thaem thaer fansee ansewrz thet u rowet riet owen awf tu thet thaer benk en weast afreeka.

cencerelee deuw

(the end. finallee)

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