Subject: 3 - now this is unreal
Date: Wed, 4 Jun 2008 18:14:03 -0500
02/01/08: somehow deuw's gibberish was deciphered. this is just too hilarious!!! so i decided that since good ole deuw was going to get involved in international banking, i better set him up with his own email address and see how far this could possibly go . . .
i think i also better start a journal to keep track of deuw's thought processes and reasonings if he has any. good ole deuw - he's just sooo oblivious!!!
now i do have to give credit where credit is due:
i've spent years watching reruns of the beverly hillbillies over and over again - it's one of my favorite shows. i've always thought how much fun it would have been to be a writer for that show - if it can be confused, misunderstood and misinterpreted, then the clampett clan would confuse, misunderstand and misinterpret anything and everything.
i wonder if deuw is somehow related to them???
i guess if shows such as
"my name is earl"
and "ugly betty"
and "lost" (i love that show)
and "men in trees"
and "eli stone"
can be so popular today, maybe the viewing audience is ready for "the 21st century global adventures of deuw" - note to self: better contact my agent
mr JB de Bodine
and see if there might be a viable market for this stuff!!!
and some of the credit is due to the fact that when i was younger i read a lot of kurt vonnegut, doonesbury, and jd salinger, and listened to everything that frank zappa ever recorded (now that guy was a creative comedian). and back then there may have been a few mind altering chemicals involved also . . . some of the few who know about this project that i'm working on have claimed that i may be experiencing a bit of a flash-back bet i iz jist fien. reelee i iz.
deuw may also need a dictionary in order to better communicate with international bankers (or possibly the bankers may need the dictionary in order to better understand deuw). he might even improve his spelling a bit. so i've created "the international bankers' professional dictionary of deuw-speak" which will be available for sale on eBay at the low introductory price of 29.95 (limit 3 per person).
aferd - afford
enkress - increase
munee - money
Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2008 08:06:31 +0100 (CET)
From: "Jon W. Kertuss" firstname.lastname@example.org
To: "scottE" scottE77777@yahoo.com
Subject: BEST REGARD
Dear dilferd thedeus deuwthresher ,
I received your mail and have filled the text of application and have submitted it to the bank on your behalf as the next of kin of late Mr. Hauncel D. Mueller . This is what I filled that the bank should contact you through mail to avoid the bank asking you a question that you might not be able to answer.
You have to verify your mail dailly to know the time that the bank will contact you and anytime you hear or receive any mail from the bank, I want you to forward it to me so that i will go through it and direct you on what to do. Please send your telephone and fax number so that i will attached it in your file.
and deuw's response:
From: "everbuddee jest kawlz me deuw" email@example.com
Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2008 23:05:24 -0800 (PST)
To: "Jon W. Kertuss" firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Re: BEST REGARD
glade u iz a understanden bowt mie repullshun two the bank. sendin tham milleonz thru the male werks owt jest grate four me. uv kourse thare iz a kupple uv thangs thet i haz two git dun ifn thus hare deel iz gonna happin in ten daze n thus hare iz the sekund dae awl reedee.
granee iz jest sew joid bowt gettin awl thus dun sew kwick like. she well be awl heelt up frum her surgeree bie the timez thet her nixt brewd uv hatchlingz well be alawng n she well be gettin rownd reel good comez planten time.
ever therzdae nite i goez two town two plae checkerz at dawgless jonez genneral drie goodz store.
good ole dawgless iz a good ole freind. dawgless iz the therd genneraeshun two run thet store. the store wuz stairted bie hiz granpa buddee epsum hoo wuz faemus four maken sowken sawlts. whin hiz granpa reetired frum thet store than hiz unkle jedd ranned the store. whin hiz unkle jedd reetired frum thet store than hiz pa barnabee jonez ranned the store. whin hiz pa reetired frum thet store than good ole dawgless took over runnin the store n he tellz everbuddee thet he aint never gonna reetire.
sew anee waze i wunt two town lest nite four hour reguliar checkerz tournamint n figered i wood pick up a kupple uv bolts uv ticken four granee two makes sum more mattreesez two put awl tham milleonz in whin thae gits hare
n she iz jest a sewin awae thus mornin two beet the band.
whie she haz thet treaddle a spinnen sew fast thet spairks iz a flyin everwhare. thare iz jest nut much slowen thet woman down.
i knowz u wuz a wanten two kep thus awl more sekret like
bet i deed haz two tellreebah
bowt a big packege
how big uv a packege wood awl tham milleonz make. i dint teld her whut wuz a gonna be in thet thare big packege bet granee n me figered she mite need two dubble her mewl teem n git a bigger wagin in order two pullz it awl the wae own owt two hour place.
awl sew i haz two git thet thare walken bridge reepaired again sincen the krick roze lest week n wersht a part uv the bridge down streem. reebah jest dunt comez neer the krick now cuz uv her feer uv gaterz. see mie grate gransun skeeter-deen haz thus hare pat gater n i iz awl the time a telden reebah thet she haz nothin two be afeerd uv cuz u knowz thet gater iz rite parshell two humanz.
i kep a telden reebah thet u knowz thet skeeter-deen dun raized thet gater frum wun uv tham eggz thet he dun fownd at the familee reunion thet we had down thare in floreeda n thet gater thinks thet he iz a human n thet skeeter-deen iz hiz ma sew u dunt have nothin two be afeerd bowt bet reebah jest well nut listen two reesun.
i iz a been karefull bowt nut kounten tham chickenz afour thae iz hatchted bet i jest kaint hep miesef frum a dreemin bowt whut i ken dew wit awl tham milleonz. whie i dew haz sum grate planz. grate planz i tellz u. i well be sat four life. mostlee i iz a thinken bowt the stock markit.
granee agreez thet wood be putten thoze milleonz two werk in a sensable manner. besidez inkreesin mie goat hurd we kood aferd two raze a kupple uv steerz n sum hawgz ever seesun four butcherin time in the fawl n sum extrees two takes two jeb pritchetts sale barn n seld own the markit. whut a grand life thus iz a gonna be. thanks u kindlee four inklewdin me.
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